Confidence.

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I'd like to bring up the sisters Chapman on this blog again, because I used to be a casual viewer of their videos. That explained why I had complained the first time about the repetitiveness of their celebrity makeovers - I watched them from the POV of someone who thinks she has seen it all.

Then I started following both of them on Twitter, and I realized that professional blogging takes a lot of work.

I thought that posting on a once-a-week schedule was hard enough - but these professionals have a set schedule, with many subscribers, and sometimes the inspiration doesn't strike too easily. It's not every day that they can look at a picture and say, "Okay, I'll do this because it's pretty." No: sometimes you have to do what you have to do because your audience counts on you to do it. And when you do put it out there - when you crowd-source for potential things to write about and/or put on your YouTube channel - you have to realize that it's not about you anymore, but for the readers who count on you for new and interesting content.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with Scribey the other day about my book. She told me, in no uncertain terms, that my book will be a success - her words - and it finally occurred to me that she wasn't just saying it because she's my best friend. That was my wake-up call: I couldn't keep on pretending that I'm just a small-time writer who's just doing this for fun. The moment I get published is the moment I become Stella Torres, Writer, and I have to accept the possibility that I will become famous.

Famous enough to get lots of tweets about the book. Famous enough for people to stop by this blog, and get re-blogged in return. Maybe famous enough to hire my own accountant.

Will I manage it? I don't know. Maybe I won't know until I'm there. Or maybe I've been looking at the dark side of the coin for too long.



I've also started watching Jessica Harlow's inspirational videos, too, and one of the things I've learned from her is "Don't just do it - Be It." In my case, I'm not just a student who writes fiction between correlating test scores; I'm a writer and a researcher, and I will balance those two roles because everything else would be a waste if I don't do a good job at being both. And if I can't do it for me, then I have to do it for the people who count on me the most.

But I can't do all of that if I don't believe that I can do it. Call it faith, call it inspiration - but whatever it is, I must believe. And I will believe.

Confidence? I'm getting there. Look out, world.

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